Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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