i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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