we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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