i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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