I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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