he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
