hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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