I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
