He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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