Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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