i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize