my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
