I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize