It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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