Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
