i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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