...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
