my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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