An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
