is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
