who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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