eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I enjoy the company of your penis
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
