Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
