I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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