sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
