Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
