So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
