I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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