I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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