and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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