felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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