why do cheetos always look like penises
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize