Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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