Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
