My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
