Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
