I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
