Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize