Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
