That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
