the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so let's talk penis.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
