I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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