I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize