I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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