New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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