i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
