Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
