the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just had sex bonerless
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
