If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
