your parents love me but you hate me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
