Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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