Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
