im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
