Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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