He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize