i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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