He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
