I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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