the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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