she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
