Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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