hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
