Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
