don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
