i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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