i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
