please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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