Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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