Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
