Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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