last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
