I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
