Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
